What type of car should my 16 year old have?
Dear Friends,
Getting a car for a new, young driver is a loaded issue in parenting. I am a fairly cool-headed man, but my daughter will tell you that the only time she remembers my “yelling” at her was when I was teaching her to drive on Atlanta’s interstate. Even as a stoic man, I found it nearly impossible to remove emotion from the driving issue with my own children.
As a parent, having a child driver means facing the huge questions of safety, materialism, independence, curfews, and much, much more in one major transition. The child and the parent need to be able to transition well, and I believe that the financial questions surrounding the acquisition of a car for a 16 year old are just one component of the bigger picture.If you will look back at the verses on the email you received this week, you will see two Scriptures:
Luke 6:40 (NIV) “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.”
And,
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV): “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” The first verse, from Luke, indicates that children learn by example. Parenting by example is 85% of the battle, and, the old adage, “more is caught than taught,” holds true. As kids reach their teenage years, however, their bold and often reckless behavior can cause parents to question whether their children “caught” anything they modeled for their young offspring! From my perspective, as a parent of adults, I want to assure you that our children do repeat many of the same patterns that we modeled for them in their growing up years (for good and for bad). As your children are learning to drive, and as you are working through their car buying decision with them, rest assured that the years of modeling that you have invested into them will not return void. Even if it seems that they are fighting you at every turn, trust that the Scripture in Luke is true, and that they will grow up into the example you have set for them.
The second verse, from Deuteronomy, indicates that children learn through communication. I feel that this Scriptural principle becomes of utmost importance in a child’s high school and teenage years. As children move through developmental stages toward independence, they often make choices that aren’t reflective of your highest hopes and dreams for them. The teenage years are the time when careful, loving, and intentional communication becomes paramount. If you set expectations for teenagers very clearly (ahead of time), you minimize the potential for conflict in your home. For Judy and me, well-communicated boundaries were key to “surviving” the teenage years.
I want to share how we communicated with our children about cars. With five kids whose entry into the driving world spanned 12 years, we had different ways of answering the question, “will I get a car when I turn 16?” Our oldest two daughters are only 2 years apart, and, when they were driving age, we needed them to help with carpools to and from school. We did not have much extra cash at that time, and so we communicated to each of them that we would provide a car, but that it would be our decision as to which car they got. It would also be their responsibility to help us with the family’s transportation needs.
Our middle daughter is four years younger and four years older than her siblings on either side. By the time she turned 16, we desired that she have some experience in negotiating and researching a car on her own. So, we gave her a budget and asked her to be in charge of the process of finding and buying a car. By clearly communicating our expectations to her ahead of time, she felt free to purchase a car that suited her needs and our budget. We also communicated to her that she was responsible for helping with the transportation of her two younger brothers to and from school.
By the time our two boys (also two years apart) turned 16, we had formed even more clear ideas about what would be good for them in the car-buying process. Both of our sons were competitive athletes, and neither had consistent summer jobs due to their athletic pursuits. Because we wanted them to understand the value of working and earning their own money, we told them far ahead of time that we would match the funds that they could save toward a car so that they could have the experience of working, saving, and then purchasing the car. Both boys responded very well to the challenge by finding sources of income. They both ended up being very careful with the cars they drove since they had earned half of the money to buy them.
I’m not advocating any of our three approaches to car buying, specifically. They all worked for us at the stage we were in as parents. What I am saying is that communicating your expectations clearly to your new driver is a huge favor to them and to you. Just as God communicates His love for us and His protective guidelines for us, we can do the same for our teenagers.
Someday, they will follow the example you set for them. Now, though, you can love them well by communicating clearly as you help them navigate toward independence.
May God’s peace encourage you as you pursue financial wisdom and depend on His Truth.
Blessings,
we followed the same plan and had a car the girls were allowed to use in High School and take to school in their senior year.
Once they left for collage we helped out on the deposit but they were responsible for the car payment and gas we covered the insurance. This allowed them to slowly work toward more financial responsibility as they had the funds to take on repair etc...
They both researched and shopped for their cars
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Good advice. Don't forget about letting them learn about how to take care of a car properly - not necessarily changing the oil themselves, but when does it need to be done and why, tire pressure and why, taking care of an investment to get a greater return.
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I would let them do this to. Sometimes we can show them how to do simple things like inflating a tire, changing oil etc. If they actually do it they learn more. I know with girls its hard to see their beautiful faces get dirty changing oil etc It won't kill them.
God Bless
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Great advice!!! We told both of our girls when they were much younger than 16 that they would be buying their own car. I would help them with the decision & we had fun looking for their car. My oldest is now 19 & she paid the car off early & has kept up the maintance on her car. My youngest is 18 & paid CASH for her car ($7000)!! She worked & saved because she didn't want a car payment. She had to discipline herself & I can't be prouder of them both. Teach them early to give & save. Don't under estimate what you do on having an effect on your child. Lead by example.
Thanks Ron great stuff as always.
God Bless
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